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Today I haven’t been feeling good. Last night I couldn’t sleep until 2 am because of everything that was going on in my head.
And to make it worst, in the morning I got sick and was fighting really hard to not let the physical and mental pain make me cry.
It got better in the afternoon but I had no mental strength left to do anything but binge-watch Suits on Amazon Prime.
I tried to be productive by transferring photos on my computer while watching TV but it didn’t work… So I had to go online and buy a new USB port hoping that it would fix the problem. And then feeling guilty about spending money that I shouldn’t be spending and fully knowing that this is how I deal with stress.
Anyway, all of this to say that sometimes, you can’t control external events and you just have to go through them.
And right now I feel like crap so I decided to try writing and see if it helps.
How depression makes you feel
1. Feeling alone
Right now I feel alone, I know I have friends that would be there for me if I just called them but for whatever reason, I think that we are not close enough to burden them with my drama.
I like to be seen as a positive person, I am always joking around and smiling at people. This is probably why people were shocked when they first learned about Hello Peaceful Mind.
And to be honest I find it hard to open up about the issues I am dealing with, I don’t want people to feel bad for me or judge what is going on.
Plus it’s not just about me, and I know that people will especially judge the other people involved the matter. Which is not what I want.
It’s just that adult life sometimes takes you on unexpected journeys, and you would like to talk about it but then you feel like you can’t.
So yes right now I am feeling alone…
2. Not wanting to do anything
I spent the whole day watching TV… and it took a lot of willpower to turn off the TV. Actually, I have to thank Netflix for asking me if I was still watching the stupid show that was on.
So I realized that I didn’t want to watch TV, I didn’t want to read, I didn’t want to do colorize a page on You are Here or to just do anything.
I just wanted to lay in bed and wait for the time to pass until it would get better.
Sometimes I just wish that I could fast forward my life when I am feeling down.
But then I realized that if I was doing nothing, tomorrow I would wake up and feel the same way.
Instead, I decided to write about my feelings in this post.
3. Craving for comfort food
After feeling better in the afternoon, I kept going back to my fridge and snack on chocolate and ice cream. I think I ate 3 ice cream in the day.
And guess what I got for dinner?
A bowl of spaghetti with sour cream and more cheese than pasta.
Let’s just say that nothing I ate during the day was healthy. And I do have cantaloupe melon already cut in my fridge, everything I need to prepare healthy meals in only 20 minutes, but none of these felt appetizing.
4. Numbing the mind
The reason why I have been binge-watching TV shows today was to numb my brain. I was watching without watching but at least I stopped thinking.
At this point, I would rather feel empty than stressing myself with anything that happened in the past or might happen in the future.
The problem is that when I am in this state of trance I find it hard to focus on what is going on around me, especially when my husband is talking to me.
5. Feeling guilty for needing attention
Right now my husband is out with a friend and I keep thinking that I would feel better if he was home, taking me in his arms.
But I don’t want to tell him that because I want him to have a good time with his friend instead of taking care of me like he already did all morning.
How to feel better when you are depressed?
1. Writing to cope with depression
Writing all of this made me feel better. I think that now I am ready to read a magazine. And slowly work my way up this depression.
Thank you so much for reading!
It’s not always easy to publish my negative feelings on the blog, I feel like we have to always show that our lives are perfect online. But the truth is that even if my life is better than it was a year ago, I am still struggling some days …
Writing is an amazing way for me to deal with my feelings, I find it therapeutic. It helps me put my thoughts in order and have a clear vision.
2. Talking to friends
Since I wrote this blog post, I opened up to a couple of friends about what was troubling me. It was not easy like it was not easy to announce the world that I was dealing with depression and anxiety when I started this blog. But in the end, it helped a lot.
I’ve also talked a lot with my husband when he got home and he helped me feeling reassured 🙂 We found a way together to deal with what was troubling me!
3. Seeing a doctor
If you think that you have depression, I would highly recommend you to talk to a therapist or see your doctor. Even if today I am feeling down, since I talked to my doctor about depression and anxiety, I am feeling way much better!
Now I only have rare occasions when I feel like this. And to be honest I am lucky to have a husband who takes care of me and try to cheer me up when needed 🙂
Save for later
- The One Thing That Motivated Me To Change My Life And Be Happy
- How To Improve Your Saturday When You Are Depressed
- The Best Tools To Improve Your Life And Be Happier
- Everything You Need To Know To Stop Stress
- The Best Free Ressources To Live A Healthy And Happy Life
Over to you
How do you feel when you are depressed?
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