How To Be Strong When You Fail

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Yesterday I listened to the first chapter of Rising Strong by Brené Brown at the gym.  And I have to say that it totally spoke to me.

In this chapter, Brené Brown talks about the physics of vulnerability. She defines vulnerability as having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome and talks about falling and rising up to continue fighting. It made me think a lot about how to deal with my own failures.

The pressure of success

Today, I think it’s difficult to share our failures because we live in a world embellished by social media. People only share what is going well in their life so we think that they have it easy. But in reality, we are all dealing with failure. If you want to be successful you have to fail, learn from it and stand up. 

The problem is that we have the tendency to compare yourself with others, and from what we know, they are doing amazing. This behavior is pressuring us to do great and when we don’t succeed from the first try we feel like a failure.

The pressure of being successful is even stronger when you have been successful in the past and people are expecting you to do great.

My struggles with success

You see, after graduating with a bachelor degree in international business from France I moved to Seattle to be with my boyfriend. At 25 years old, I got married to him and I started my journey working in the tech industry as a contractor for Microsoft, and then Google. At 28 years old, I bought a house. At 30 years old I paid off my car. This is living the American dream when you are from France.  A few years ago, my college even asked me to represent the international business bachelor program.

So where am I today?

I’m 31 years old and feel like starting all over. To be honest I had a mental breakdown a couple of years ago when I realized that I forgot my laptop at home when I parked at work after spending more than an hour stuck in traffic.

That day I decided that things had to change, I could no longer live like that.

Last November, my boss found out that he could not renew my contract because of a two-year policy and had to let me go.

I thought that it was perfect timing because I needed a break. Since I moved to the USA I have been working almost non-stop, taking only a couple of weeks off each year and I was having a really hard time with life. I felt like all I did was working and watching Netflix.

So I told my friends and family that I would work on my blog and photography business.

But here’s the thing, my plans did not go as I expected at all. As of today, I am not making enough money to pay all of the bills and I will stop receiving unemployment in a few weeks.

But you know what, I realized that I shouldn’t care about what other people think. If I disappoint them, it’s not my problem, they are the one who shouldn’t be judging me.

Yes, I am struggling to become a full-time blogger/photographer but I am not giving up!

Because for me, being successful is living life fully while making enough money to pay the bills.

How To Be Strong When You Fail

1. Give yourself a break

To be honest, when I first realize that I failed something, I am feeling depressed. First, I think of everything that I could have done differently. But then I can’t take it anymore so I just shut down.

Usually, I give myself a day or two to do nothing and lose myself in a show or a book to stop thinking.

I need this time. Without it, I won’t be able to move on.

2. Learn from it

Then the next step is to look at what didn’t work. You can do your own analysis, find a course to learn more about the subject, ask people, …

For example, I think that the reason why things didn’t work out as I wanted for my blog and photography is that I based my pricing on what other people are doing instead of thinking of my own audience.

3. Change your plan

Once you know what you can do differently, change your strategy. It might be something small or you can start everything over. It’s okay!

Don’t overwhelm yourself with a detailed plan, just create a roadmap with the main phases of your goal. If you want to learn how to do it, I have a course and workbook for you here.

4. Take action

I think the most important tip I can give you is to not spend too much time planning. Just start doing and create the details of your plan on the go.

By taking action, you will be able to learn what works and adapt your strategy accordingly without spending too much time planning.

5. Don’t give up

The truth is that we all fail, and when you fail, you can learn something from it. The way I see it, failure brings you closer to your goal!

Remember, you are doing this for you.

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